D-day Focusing Running Crashing surviving

My first aim today was to make it through the race. Second aim was if I would break, I would do it in time. Well, I made the second goal. A sunny hot day. I took the morning and lucnh just focusing on the task. My husband supplied me with wonderful lunch. Then off to the Stadium of Stockholm. Focusing. Starting. I drank so much fluid I possibly could. WHich was a good thing. The first two drink stations were a mess and I hardly got anything to drink. The heat was terrible so I kept with the 4.45 crew (not exactly my original goal but it was a really hot day). After the first 10 k everything started lightning up and I felt this is going to be a nice run. What if I get a lousy time? It's just fun watching everyone. Listening to all the cheers. Enjoying the party. I took my time at all the drink stands but made it to the 4.30-pacers.

Found my son and husband at the 1,7 k. I felt wonderful. Then, it must have been just some hundred meters after I talked to my husband. The guy in front of me slowed down and I wasn't paying attention. I had to fast move sideways. I didn't fall but my knee got twisted. Perhaps I made a bad step. Don't remember, because I wasn't paying much attention to the small incident. After some meters though, my knee started hurting. At first, not so much, then a lot. I saw the stadium, was happy that the best guys hadn't passed me on their second lap. I was hoping to do a good secound lap. But my knee was really hurting.

When I passed the 2.1 marker I started thinking. What the f**k am I doing? This isn't the regular knee ache you can get when you put in some miles. This feels much different. If I run 20 k on this I might never run again. I stopped. But, what about walking. I should be able to make it walking. But what will that prove and if my knee is bad it might get worse. So, I turned back. On the first step I could hardly believe the pain. I actually shed some tears. I had to walk back 3 km and those were more painful than the previous 21... The wonderful medical staff took good care of me and stabilized my knee. A ligament was probably injured but not off. I made a good call. So home I went and the pain persisted. I never once regretted my decision. What did I want to prove today? That I can run marathon? Why, I've already done that!? To prove I'm in good shape? I'm in good shape. I run 21 km and felt good. That I am stupid? No, not being stupid is what I proved today. Now, it will be some exercise free days/weeks and no more marathons this year.